My Life is Thaddalicious!

today i spent the whole day with Thad. now there is nothing unique about that in and of itself. i spend every day with Thad, pretty much the whole day, unless Calen the Wonder Nanny is here and i take a nap. but today i felt really present with Thad, able to enjoy him, and enjoy myself as a mom. that may not seem like a lot, but presence is something that i struggle with in my life. it is very easy for me to check out. there are lots of reasons that i know of and there are surely more that i don't know.

Thad, though, makes it quite a bit easier. he is just so amazing. i walk into the room and he lights up and i think "he is seeing me!" i don't mean it in a narcissistic way; i really mean this in the way that i allow myself to be enjoyed and to enjoy him. pete is really the only other person that i experience this with--or have in my whole life. but of course it is much harder with pete because he sees my flaws. Thad doesn't yet. i am most of his world and i meet most of his needs.

i would die if anything happened to him. if i ever had to go back to life without Thad, i would die. it makes me sick to think about ever not having him.

so please, please GOD.

1:15a.m. and i am alone

I need sleep. But I also need solitude (when I am aware that I am having it, so I need to be awake for it). So I find that I stay up a little later than I would really like because it is the only time I get that is just mine right now. This isn't a complaint, really. I wouldn't trade Pete or Thad for anything. The reality is that I desire time with Pete, time with Thad, and time with me. Not to mention those people in my life that I would love to sit and chat with for a block of time. Or the books out there that need to be read by me [NOTE: Nancy Pearl has just published her second installment of Book Lust and I was disheartened by the sheer number of books that are good!

Anyway, tonight I have taken "my time" and made a webpage of photos for Thad and his friends and family. He is such a delight that I want to share him with everyone.

Oh, he is crying out for me now! Gotta go!