I love that I am a little older, a little wiser as I am entering motherhood. I have a lot more patience than I did at 25. I am better able to discern small stuff from big things. I know how to enjoy life a bit better. And I have suffered a little in my life, so I am much more grateful than I was in my 20s, or even early 30s. So emotionally, psychologically and spiritually, I am glad that Thad has come now rather than earlier.
My body, however, has also traveled the years and it has not weathered the journey quite as well. Some of that is due to my own abuse of it: hating exercise, loving chocolate and lobster and wanting to deny that I even have a body. The rest of it is due to wear and tear of living a full life: roller-blading and dancing knee injuries, car accidents (at least the '72 pinto didn't blow up!), traveling all over the world in old, bouncy Ford vans, etc., etc., etc.
Some days I flog myself for letting my body get into such a condition that I can't roll around on the floor with Thaddeus. But I realize that if I want to enjoy Thad, and I want to be enjoyed by him, flogging won't help. What will help is a good balanced diet and a renewed desire to get into shape.
I want my body to match my heart, mind and soul. I want to be made new in all things. Paul said that "I can do ALL THINGS through Jesus Christ, Who gives me strength."
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." I don't want to settle for just the mind or just the body. I want ALL God has for me: total renewal, nothing less.
So here's the scoop: Through Jesus' strength, I am going to surrender to renewal. Not to lose weight, although that is necessary. And not to look great, although I don't mind looking great (well, maybe I do, but that is another post for another blog!). But to enjoy and be enjoyed by my husband and son.
I am going to aquacize several times a week. I am going to walk with Thad several times a week (at a brisk pace, though!). I am going to give up some of my late-night ice cream treats.
And I am going to roll around on the floor with my son.
And I am going to walk with my husband.
And I am going to live to not only see my grandchildren, but to enjoy them.
And I am going to enjoy my self: my 41-year-old, wiser, calmer, less fearful, more joyful self.
My reasonable sacrifice to God and for the future generations.
