Thad enjoying time with his Great-Great-Aunt Rachel, who turns 90 this year!
Thaddeus enjoys some bath time in the kitchen sink--and learns how to splash!
Thad REALLY enjoyed his Uncle Christian and watching country music videos together!
Thad discovered the joy of swimming--he's a BEAUTIFUL swimmer!
Thad met more of his third cousins Zoey and Caitlin!

Thad & Dad Off for Bonding Time

Pete has a saying, "Honey, this is the good stuff!" He usually says it when we have a really good conversation in which our hearts have connected, or Thad catches our hearts, or we accomplish something that takes us further toward our dreams. As I watched my two guys head off for their adventure, I thought to myself, "God, this is the good stuff--thank You!!"

Drowning

I am drowning right now . . . in love for my husband and son, in despair that I will ever get the house organized, in apathy toward doing anything that takes me away from my son and in self-loathing at my post-baby body. My life is wonderful, lonely, sinful, growing, uneven and glorious.

I am trying to be a good mom: I want to read to Thad, play with thad, return his gaze.

I am trying to be a good wife: I want to grow in intimacy with Pete, I want to make his life better, I want to call good things out of him, I want to delight him.

I am trying to be a good student: I want to not just learn what I am being taught--I want to absorb it, I want to live it, I want to inhabit it, I want to synthesize it with my theology.

I am trying to be the homemaker my hearts wants to be: to be organized so that there is peace in our home, to be clean so there is order in our home, to be uncluttered so our home is a refuge.

I am trying to be more honest: to not take on what I cannot do (as Pete says, overpromise and underproduce), to finish what I do take on, to take responsibility when I fail, to confess when I do not love well.

I am not doing any of it very well--Well, I think I do well with Thad right now. And I have moments of rightness with Pete. But the last three are overwhelming me right now. School is a chore, which it has never been before. Our home is awash in clutter and paper and THINGS. I definitely overpromise.

I am trying to be still before God so that I can hear where to start. To do the next thing and not get overwhelmed.

And to enjoy my boys!

I want to be done with school RIGHT NOW. But I don't want sacrifice the last classes or the internship experience.

My Life is Thaddalicious!

today i spent the whole day with Thad. now there is nothing unique about that in and of itself. i spend every day with Thad, pretty much the whole day, unless Calen the Wonder Nanny is here and i take a nap. but today i felt really present with Thad, able to enjoy him, and enjoy myself as a mom. that may not seem like a lot, but presence is something that i struggle with in my life. it is very easy for me to check out. there are lots of reasons that i know of and there are surely more that i don't know.

Thad, though, makes it quite a bit easier. he is just so amazing. i walk into the room and he lights up and i think "he is seeing me!" i don't mean it in a narcissistic way; i really mean this in the way that i allow myself to be enjoyed and to enjoy him. pete is really the only other person that i experience this with--or have in my whole life. but of course it is much harder with pete because he sees my flaws. Thad doesn't yet. i am most of his world and i meet most of his needs.

i would die if anything happened to him. if i ever had to go back to life without Thad, i would die. it makes me sick to think about ever not having him.

so please, please GOD.

1:15a.m. and i am alone

I need sleep. But I also need solitude (when I am aware that I am having it, so I need to be awake for it). So I find that I stay up a little later than I would really like because it is the only time I get that is just mine right now. This isn't a complaint, really. I wouldn't trade Pete or Thad for anything. The reality is that I desire time with Pete, time with Thad, and time with me. Not to mention those people in my life that I would love to sit and chat with for a block of time. Or the books out there that need to be read by me [NOTE: Nancy Pearl has just published her second installment of Book Lust and I was disheartened by the sheer number of books that are good!

Anyway, tonight I have taken "my time" and made a webpage of photos for Thad and his friends and family. He is such a delight that I want to share him with everyone.

Oh, he is crying out for me now! Gotta go!

Denouement

I am joining the multitude! It seems everywhere I turn, anyone I talk to, blogs figure in. I have been told that I should write a book. I am hoping this will get me in the habit of writing and help me chip away the stone to release the form within.

The title of this blog comes from a line out of the movie (2004 version) Shall We Dance?:

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

My hope is to bear witness to my life and to those connected with mine, for the glory of God.